Why do I have to go through this all the time?? I never learned! its as if I'm not aware what's gonna happen.. I'm tired! I should have had enough of this feeling and yet here I am suffering from the same pain all over again! All I want is to wake up one day having a different feeling than the one I'm so used to. I wish I'm brave enough to talk about what I feel and share it with the person who feels the same way as I do otherwise I just want to be numb! Sometimes though I know that I shouldn't be thinking of this but I thought of the good in disappearing for a while maybe then I will somehow get away with the pain and when I return everything will be in a whole new perspective.
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I have always been happy.. I'm happy everytime I'm with my friends, everytime I go to movies, travel to places I've never been, everytime I eat ice cream, pizza, spaghetti and chocolates, I'm happy when I know I have helped other people, everytime I spend time with my family, have a nice conversation with my mama talking about everything and nothing at all (which we seldom do), play around with my dearest doggie -- Potchie, everytime I look at the pictures of my childhood and grown up years, I'm happy everytime I recall my memories of the past, the silly things that I did, friendships that I made, games that I played.. I'm happy because I know that I'm so blessed with things which I never expected to have and the things that I hoped for has finally come to my life. But I'm just human, there are times that I still afford to be lonely and bitter about life despite the blessings that I have.. what I know now is that I'm in pain and I don't know how to get through it..
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